hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
