He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you didnt know i had herpes?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
