Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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