Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
