Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
