Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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