paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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