my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
