Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
