Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
