3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
