did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
