he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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