Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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