I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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