I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
