New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
