apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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