Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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