Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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