Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
