Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
