On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So. Much. Porn.
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