cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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