it's not cheating when I paid for it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
