I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
