i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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