who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
