giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
