Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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