You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
