You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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