I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
