My friends, they love my intelligence
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
