did you get engaged???
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
