i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
