did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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