I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
