When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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