i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize