You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
