Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
