I'm going to jail i love you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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