Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
