It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
