Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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