so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
