i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
