Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
