After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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