Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
