Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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