Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
