Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
