He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
