so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Two words: blizzard sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
