I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
