If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
