She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
