I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
