This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
