I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's blow job season.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
