the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize